Election 2012: 3.5 Stars.

A rather predictable start to an election. The hick states had decided they didn’t want to help their fellow man or love thy neighbour, contrary to what their beloved bible says. Texas, Alabama, South Carolina etc. all fell to Mitt Romney. About an hour into counting things started to make a little more sense. CNN informed us that Michigan fell to Obama. CNN also reminded this writer that Erin Burnett is a total dreamboat.

A little more tension was provided for a few more minutes, Romney after all had more Electoral College votes than Hope Boy but thankfully goodness prevailed. Ohio: BOOM. Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota: BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

Wolf Blitzer won the ‘best name eva’ award. Irvine Welsh tweeted the most gold.

In the end it was just another great American moment. The biggest, best, loudest and potentially most dangerous country in the world thinking sensibly and putting the world’s collective mind at ease. The Obama is just a celebrity-Rape victims had it coming-Fuck the poor-White Taliban lost to common sense. It should never have been as close as it was, even though it turned out to be a landslide.

Both speeches were good. One was better/less sexist than the other.

Great soundtrack could have used some Parliament though.

May the United States prosper and Earth feel safe for four more years.

Jasper Clifford-Smith

(Too bad Mr Netanyahu, guess you are going to have to wait a little longer to start WW3)

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